Sonic Woof

I opened the front door of a friend's house the other day and heard this sweet female voice say out of this little white box "Front door open".  Our friend had bought herself a home alarm system and I thought that was pretty cool.  But then I thought what she really needs is a Red Dog.   
If you have read some of the Texas Red Dog Adventures, I have mentioned that Red Dog has a rather loud bark but let me see if I can better describe just how loud it is.  We knew from the first day that Red Dog moved in he was going to be a barker, which was good for Debbie since I'm gone a lot.  He barked at everything.  First it was anyone at the door, next every animal in the yard, then cars on the street,  and also as the porch light came on (motion sensor activated).  I think at one point he was even barking at the rising sun.  HOLY COW, it was SO LOUD and we have found out it does have a lasting impact on those who hear it.  
We had two friends come to the door to give us a bid on some construction work.  They knocked and off went the alarm "WOOOFFFF WOOF WOOOOOFFFFFF WOOOOFFFFFFFFF WOOF".  The ground shook, the walls vibrated, and my heart stopped for a few seconds.  I then composed myself and answered the door.  I opened the door to see one man standing stiff as a board gritting his teeth hoping not to be eaten.  The second man had already made an about face and was half way back to their truck never looking back.  I guess he figured he only had to out run the other guy at the door in order to live.  There was also another friend, who was walking down the street, who made an immediate U-turn still half a block away and was heading home.  So I think you could say "yes that's one loud bark".  
On another occasion, we had a guy working on the front of the house one morning when my wife left to go shopping.  Red Dog normally stays outside when no one is home to keep from making big stinky messes in the house.  I came home for lunch and noticed that Red Dog was inside whining at the back door so I let him out into the back yard.  I knew that Debbie planned to be gone most of the day and thought he needed to stay outside until I came home from work.  As I backed out of the drive I noticed there were tools lying on the ground and remembered that the handy man was there to do some work on the front of the house.  I didn't give it another thought and headed back to work.  Around three o'clock it dawned on me that there was work to be done in the back yard as well and I left Red Dog out there.  I jumped into the truck and hurried home to put him inside.  As I came up the drive I saw the handy man picking up his tools like he was getting ready to leave.  He said everything was done in the front but when he headed to the back yard he was greeted by a sonic WOOOFFFF WOOFFFFFF WOOOOOOFFF WOOOOFFFFFF WOOF.  He was startled because Debbie told him earlier that morning she put Red Dog in the house so he could work back there.  Oops, my bad.  The handy man stopped and texted his boss to tell him that there was a giant dog in the back yard.  His boss texted back "yes I know, the dog is friendly".    Apparently the boss and the handy man had too different definitions of friendly because he wasn't wasting any time picking up his stuff.  This immediately reminded me of the "Pink Panther" movie scene where Inspector Clouseau asked a man, with his heavy french accent, "Does your dog bite" and the man says "No" so Clouseau tries to pet the dog that was sitting near the man and that dog attempted to chew his arm off.  Clouseau then looked at the man and said (once again in his french accent) "I thought you said your dog didn't bite" and the man answers back (again with the accent) "That's not my dog"  Well this was my dog and I tried to reassure him Red Dog doesn't bite (or at least not yet) but I don't think there was any way to convince him after he heard that "sonic bark".  So I went and put Red Dog in the house so he could start the work in the back yard.  I intentionally opened both garage doors to allow the handy man easy access to the back but when I returned to apologize for letting Red Dog out at lunch, I found both doors closed.  The handy man was still not convinced  that Red Dog wasn't going to eat his face off, so he had followed behind me shutting both doors as I walked Red Dog into the house.  I felt bad he was that scared but I just had to chuckle that he had closed the doors behind me.  I guess he figured better to be a live chicken than a faceless handy man.  Now, I don't want you to think that Red Dog would hurt anyone (unless you are planning to rob my house and in that case he has ate the faces off many buglers and small children) but usually once the barking is over it turns into a licking and petting frenzy for Red Dog. 
So if you get the chance to visit our house don't be scared.  Just stand your ground, knock on the door or ring the door bell, stick both index fingers in your ears and prepare for the "SONIC WOOF".  If you decide to run, head for one of the oak trees in the front yard and climb on up.  Red Dog has many talents but as far as we know he can't climb trees. lol.  Until the next adventure, God bless you all.        

The Stake Out

One of Red Dogs daily patrols is to the window that over looks the front yard where he keeps an eye out for gang activity.  Yes, gang activity on Arledge Drive.  This gang is not well know to the community due to their stealth like tactics.  I'm not sure that our neighbors are aware of their covert activities but Red Dog is.  He is watching them on a daily basis learning their habits so he can successfully protect the neighborhood.  You may be asking who is this notorious gang and where did they come from?  Well they are known as the Grey Diablos (i.e. 5 Eastern Grey Tree Squirrels), a dangerous little gang that routinely steals acorns from our unsuspecting neighbors.  They live in the trees high above the street leaping from branch to branch stuffing themselves full of delicious acorns.  They speak in a coded language of squeaks and clicks only understood by the gang members themselves.  They flash gang signs with their little squirrely hands as they taunt Red Dog through the window.  He watches them intently, growling and snarling ready to pounce on them the first chance he gets.  They increase their taunting by jumping to the ground then back to the tree and back to the ground again.  Red Dogs blood starts to boil.  His growling and snarling starts to get louder and louder until he can't take it anymore and breaks out into that loud WOOOFFFF WOOOOOFFFFFF WOOF WOOOFF WOOFFFF.  Once again it startles me but this time it only gives me a small heart attack because of the pre-bark growling. I rush to the door with Red Dog close behind.  Red Dog bolts into the front yard ready to teach this gangsters a lesson.  The Diablos dart up the tree with their stolen goods.  Red Dog lets go with another barrage of WOOOOFFF WOOOOFF WOOOOOOOFFF WOOOFF.  The squirrels run even higher  leaping from branch to branch then from tree to tree until they were several trees away.  It was an impressive display of high flying acrobatics that even Tarzan would have been proud of.  Even Red Dog paused (or should I say pawsed) tilting his head to the side watching this amazing feat.  Then as quickly as the gang appeared they magically disappeared like a Ninja. Red Dog knows that they will be back and he must rethink his plan of attack.  But for now they are gone and the neighborhood is safe once again from these fuzzy tailed marauders.  Red Dogs tail flies into the air and he prances around the  front yard claiming his victory.  He is now the neighborhood "Super Hero".  Suddenly he stops and then he drops.  Oh no I thought. Not there, not on Debbie's flowers but it was too late.  He did it.  He pooped in the flower bed.  I once again ran toward the front door (but for an entirely different reason this time) frantically calling Red Dog to quickly follow.  We darted into the house, our eyes rapidly scanning the room for Debbie's presence.  Luckily she wasn't there and couldn't have seen anything.  So I sat down in my recliner with Red Dog at my side looking at me with those huge brown eyes as to say "What are you going to tell Debbie".  Suddenly it hit me, so  I leaned over to him and whispered " We'll blame it on the neighbors dog".  Red Dog smiled as to say "That's a great idea".  We both were in agreement that's our story and were sticking to it.  So Red Dog and I are trusting that you our loyal readers won't say a thing to Debbie and keep us in the clear.  I think the moral of this story is that chasing squirrels can wear the poop out of ya and if that happens pray that one of your neighbors own a large dog.  Until the next adventure, God bless you all.