Sunday, October 21, 2012
You know that old saying about a man's dog resembles and mimics his master and his habits. Well it appears Red Dog is no different. Debbie is always yakking at me about the things I eat, especially things that have been sitting in the refrigerator for arguably way to many days/weeks. I am always digging around in there looking for an evening snack and when I find something that looks good or looked good a few days/weeks earlier, I grab it and start chowing down. When she sees me walking into the room eating yesterday's/last week's left overs she nearly comes unhinged. I usually remind her that I saw little to no unusual growth on the particular food product I was consuming just to reassure her it was safe to eat. But I don't think she believes in my ability to safely analyze refrigerated foods. After her gagging subsides she sternly reminds me she will not be the one cleaning up any messes that might be created if I eat it. So we have an unspoken agreement that if I mess it up, I clean it up which is only fair. It appears Red Dog has picked up this ability to eat anything that doesn't eat him as well. So the same clean up rule applies to Red Dog. If he messes it up, I clean it up. I am very happy to report that Red Dog has done extremely well in the house breaking department and has had very few accidents since he moved in. I am even happier to report that my record in this department is even better than Red Dogs which is of great relief to my wife (no pun intended). As you have read in the past, many things cause Red Dogs mouth to start watering which ranges from cat poo to spare ribs. I'm on the same page as Red Dog when it comes to the spare ribs but he is on his own when it comes to the cat poo sprinkled with kitty litter. Some of you may recall a FaceBook post many months ago where I had a very unpleasant experience while washing fresh chicken eggs and then chewing my finger nails. For those who have never read that posting just let me say that I got to taste a part of the chicken that was never meant for human consumption and it is still my opinion that it didn't taste a thing like chicken.
Speaking of chicken eggs, we found another food group that Red Dog likes almost as much as spare ribs today. As you may or may not know my part of Texas is experiencing one of the worst droughts in state history with high temperature and very little rain over the past two years. We are currently on water rationing and we are not allowed to water our grass, trees, plants, and flowers with city supplied water so things are pretty dry around here. Debbie has about 30 chickens that have survived this two year drought thus far and egg production has been pretty poor. Well the old girls have been doing their best to earn their keep lately and egg production slightly improved over the past few months. During these hot summer days, Debbie has be going out right before sun down to gather eggs and she takes Red Dog along for protection in case she comes across unwanted critters. It doesn't take her very long to gather eggs but she has this small zoo known as the DMZ (Debbie's Mini Zoo) and it takes around fourty minutes to feed, water and bed everyone down for the night. After her chores were done I heard Debbie slam the back door yelling "that's it, you are staying outside for the rest of the night". At first I thought she was yelling at me and so I automatically began pleading my case by pointing out I have been inside under the air conditioner watching T.V. all evening. I quickly realize in the middle of her rant that she may not be yelling at me. I immediately shut my mouth (a technique I have perfected over thirty years of marriage) because it makes no sense to confess to something you may or may not have done. Fortunately for me, during the course of her rant I heard the words Red Dog and knew I was off the hook.
Apparently while Debbie was taking care of the DMZ Red Dog got hungry while on guard duty and began eating the eggs she had just gathered. By the time Debbie noticed what Red Dog was doing he had gobbled up all of the eggs in her bucket. I was biting my upper lip trying to keep a straight face in order to avoid the same fate as Red Dog. As she told me what he had done the image of Steve McQueen eating fifty boiled eggs and lying on the bed with a full belly in the movie "Cool Hand Luke" kept running through my brain and I finally lost it and just started laughing. I don't think I won any favor with my sweet wife when that happened. I then had the uncontrollable urge to go find Red Dog to see how big his belly was but when I got to the door I couldn't see him anywhere. As Debbie stormed off to the bedroom I thought I might need to take a page out of Red Dogs play book and make myself scarce until she cooled down. Later in the evening I saw Red Dog peering through the back door and he must have really liked those eggs because there wasn't even a drop of egg yolk on his chin. He looked pretty sad staring through the window while serving out his back yard sentence this particular evening.
So today I found out that Red Dog and I not only like a good spare rib but we both like our fair share of scrambled eggs. After laughing at my wife I also found out how well my wireless internet router works from the back yard. By the way Red Dog says "tjcwtd cxdvm xdkelszxl asdl.lo xzp;xz" which needs to be translated because Red Dog doesn't have fingers and has to type with his paws: Until the next adventure God bless you all.