Thursday, March 29, 2012

The Lion Killer

Today lets start off with a little history lesson about Rhodesian Ridge Backs.  This is a breed that was created to chase and kill lions on the savannas of Eastern Africa (i.e. Rhodesia or modern day Zimbabwe). Their combination of speed, strength, and desire to please man made them the perfect hunting/protection dog for the cattlemen of the African plains.  That's enough history.  
This story begins 30 years ago in a far off land known as the North Texas Panhandle.  It involves a very handsome, intelligent, debonair, verile, romantic, polite, devoted, ( I could go on and on)  young cowboy and beautiful, tan, slender, brown headed city girl who made a little black bikini look darn gooooood (please cover your children's eyes when reading the bikini thing).  They fell in love and were married.  They discussed many things as newlyweds do.  Things such as how many children they want, where do they want to live, what will their house look like, where will the kids go to school, what's the best brand of fishing poles, who makes the best shot gun, what's the best breed of roping horse.  You know, all the normal newlywed stuff.  One thing the young bride asked of her new husband was if they ever bought a home in the country she could have all the cats and kittens her heart desired and he lovingly agreed.
Now flash forward 30 years.  This young married couple is older now and just moved to a new community purchasing a home on the edge of town.  They have 3 acres of land and a couple of small barns on the property and depending on where they are standing, they can be inside or outside the city limits in seconds.  They are surrounded by beautiful homes but still inside the city limits.  Apparently "home in the country" means the same thing as "home on the edge of town" in female jargon.  So to make a very long story a little shorter, here is "the rest of the story" as Paul Harvey used to say.  
We (or at least one of us) are the proud owners of 15-25 cats depending on the number of pregnant females and this is where this Red Dog adventure begins. 
When Red Dog came to live with us I thought it was so cool that his  ancestors were trained to be lion killers.  I thought to myself "Now that's a mans dog if I ever heard of one", so taking in Red Dog was an easy decision.  He likes to sit at the back door looking out into the yard scanning for threats.  If one was spotted he would snarl and growl to get my attention.  I would open the door and zoom, he was gone to confront the potential threat.  I was like a kid with a new toy, excitingly waiting for the next growl and do it all over again.  He would fly through the door like Secretariat breaking out of the starting gate at the Kentucky Derby.  It was even cooler at night because he would disappear in the dark like a starship hitting warp speed toward a distant planet.  In my mind he was after skunks, raccoons, possums, and other assorted varmints but according to my wife I was wrong.  He was waiting for a few of her gazillion cats to come to their food bowl so he could chase them.  I thought it was cool but once again I was wrong according to you know who.  So now Red Dog and I are in deep doo doo with the wife for our little chasathons.  "He's a lion killer", I thought to myself but would always say "yes dear" in response.  Every time he would leap into action my mind would wander off to Africa, imagining he was after the king of the jungle saving his owner and his cattle from certain misfortune (see, I'm really a kid at heart).  But here comes Debbie yanking me back to reality saying, "Quit that, he's scaring all my cats away".  I knew she was right but I just couldn't help myself.  Cats belong in the barn chasing mice or providing coyotes with a quick meal or at least the slow ones do...Don't let Debbie read that lovingly agreed to pay closer attention to why he wanted in the back yard.  But she had a plan.  A plan that would break the heart of his forefathers.  

To counter his critter chasing training Debbie has decided to start her own indoctrination program for Red Dog.  She has a new litter of kittens and has brought them into the house to be raised around Red Dog.  So instead of chasing them, he has been brain washed to lick them.  The transformation was very quick and terrifying.  You girls will get a warm fuzzy feeling looking at these pictures but it saddens me to see how effectively he was turned.  Water board the poor dog but not this.  Submitting him to such feminine mind games of sugar, spices and little pink butterflies is heart breaking.  The horror of it all was too much.  Red Dog finally broke.  He went from a blood line of trained killers of the most feared felines in the world and now he's Mary Poppins in a dog collar.  Poor Red Dog, I certainly hope he can reclaim his proud heritage one of these days but until those cotton pick'in cats quit having babies it looks very

                       Until the next adventure.  God bless you all.


  1. Now I must protest, I did not "make" him do that. He wanted to! lol.

  2. SUCH a sweet fellow! even if his bark is 'sonic'. :)