Saturday, July 28, 2012

Bad Habits Make Me Sick

Ms. I Will Teach You To Eat Cat Poop Maddie and Mr. I Will Gladly Learn To Eat Cat Poop Red Dog

Well Red Dog has picked up a few bad habits from a couple of his pals over the past few weeks and is in deep dodo with my wife over them.  Since Reed, our youngest, has moved home Red Dog has been hanging out in his room all hours of the day because he has been letting Red Dog sleep on the bed with with him.  That's against the house rules around here but Red Dog is still getting away with it at times.  You have to realize this is a seventy five pound hairy pony lying around on the furniture and Red Dog is shedding like crazy this summer which creates a lot of extra work for Debbie around the house.  I will admit that Red Dog is pretty sneaky about not getting caught.  He reminds me of my friends little boys when they were little sneaking cookies from the kitchen to their bed rooms.  

I was over visiting my friend in his living room one afternoon when I noticed something out of the corner of my eye.  At first I was not sure what was going on so Matt and I kept on talking.  After a couple more minutes of conversing I noticed some small blurred images flashing in and out of my peripheral vision.  I finally had to stop our conversation to watch what was going on.  Matt's two young sons were sneaking from their bedroom where they were supposed to be taking a nap into the kitchen to swipe cookies off of the counter top.  They would peak around the corner waiting for us to look away then dart across the floor to the cookie jar then repeat the maneuver when returning to the safety of their bed room.  I must admit it was a well thought out plan as we found out after some semi serious parental interrogating.  Those two little boys had taken the lid off the cookie jar prior to going to bed in order to eliminate any jar noise during their cookie heist.  I considered their plan a successful failure because they went to the well one time to many and got caught.  We found a large cache of cookies hidden in their bunk beds and I snicker when I think about how many times they had to sneak around us to get such a stock pile.  

Red Dog is being very cautious when it comes to catching him sleeping on the furniture.  He must be sleeping with one eye open and one ear to the air listening for me headed toward the bed room because every time I head that way he is already trotting down the hallway as though nothing is wrong.  There is some evidence that he has been sleeping on the bed but it's difficult to tell as there isn't much difference in the cleaning habits of a seventy five pound dog and a twenty year old boy.  I have only caught Red Dog once and I made it very clear that its not allowed but I'm pretty certain he has continued to lounge on the furniture when I am not looking.  Wow, it just hit me that Red Dog is acting like my twenty year old just without the smartalec remarks.  Maybe those two should move in together.  Oh, wait they did and at my house.  Maybe some day I'll catch a break.  

As annoying as it is to have Red Dog sneaking around sleeping on the beds the next little habit he picked up from his pal Maddie is just plain gross.  The other day Debbie could hear some weird crunching noises coming from the guest bathroom so she went to investigate.  As she walked into the room she could see Red Dog with his head under the cabinet where the cats litter box is kept.  As she got closer she notice Red Dog was eating the cat poop out of the litter box and it appeared he was enjoying it.  OH MY LORD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS CRAZY DOG!!!  We have had Red Dog over a year now and he has never done anything like this "EVER".  Debbie went into this grossed out rigor and chased Red Dog out of the room.  Where and when did he pick up this filthy habit.  Now I know that dogs do this when they are outside and that is gross enough on it's own but when you add the crunching noise of the cat litter it brings it to a whole new level of gross.  The thing that grossed me out the most, and I have seen a lot of gross things in my medical career, is that it was the exact loud sound you hear in your head when you eat a bowl of Grape Nuts breakfast cereal and it looked just like Tootsie Rolls covered in gray sprinkles.  It makes me nauseated and gives me the willies just thinking about it.  (Quick note to self:  Tell Debbie to scratch Grape Nuts off the shopping list).  If there are any pluses about this nasty little habit it's that Red Dog doesn't have stinky breath so we must be buying a good brand of cat litter.  After telling this story to the kids our Lubbock daughter confessed that Maddie does the same thing and they have to block her from the litter box. After more discussion we calculated that Red Dog didn't start this nasty little habit until Maddie came for a weekend visit a few weeks ago.  Thanks Maddie.  

Now we have a dog with a "SONIC" bark who likes to eat cat poop with kitty litter and has the freshest smelling breath in the neighborhood.  This dog ownership thing just keeps getting better and better.  What will happen next around here?  Will the cats start laying eggs, the chickens start chasing cars, the grey squirrels crow like a rooster at sun rise, or my twenty year old son clean that pig sty he calls a bedroom.  Who knows what strange events will take place out here at the DMZ (Debbie Mini Zoo for those who aren't familiar with this Texas Red Dog Adventure acronym).  But one thing is for sure Red Dog has to change his choice of snacks before I throw my guts up because I can't continue to type and vomit at the same time.  Until the next less gross adventure, God bless you all.                      

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